I Hate Vegans

Image result for penis shaped meat

Hey my name is Dr. Kush. Guess what Vegans? I am going to eat a big bucket of french fries and there ain’t nothing you can do about it! GOT EM! 

There is a lot of hate towards vegans that people engage in. I met someone in college who was like, I hate to break it to you… I am a vegetarian. I was like, what! Now, I was not a major crazy meat eater. I grew up with a healthy appreciation of a lot of different food. I had a love for all sorts of cuisines that are considered vegetarian. I just was raised in a world where I thought vegetarianism was obviously stupid. I was raised with a set of obvious food norms that I just assumed to be correct. 

How did I respond to my friend who just shared his perspective on food? Hey, I am going to eat two cheese burgers. There is this kind of immature response to people who are fundamentally different from us. We just act like they are a threat to us. If I was being reasonable, then I would have thought before I said that. Within the next few weeks, I actually started to watch Vegan youtubers such as Vegan Gains. I really tried to reset and justify why I have been doing any of these actions. 

After a lot of intense thought, I was having a hard time justifying my behavior. Like okay I agree with might is right, but that doesn’t explain my individual motivations. I really don’t want to kill animals, like that is not a good outcome. The question was whether my individual happiness really came from the ritual murder and consumption of animals. If meat is really worth the negative outcomes, I will at least know that all things considered my actions are fine. The issue would be to ignore a problem and side step my doubts of whether my actions are justified. 

I have had issues with substance abuse during my life. What always made me come back to reality, was that I realized I had things of value to experience sober. Knowing that ultimately the drug you are taking is not the optimal path for pursuing your goals is something that has played a major part in helping come back. There are drugs that I have stopped using. Some of them I plan to return to them at a different time in my life. Sometimes you only have that drug and it is the only thing meaningful in your life. I have never reached this conclusion, but for some it is not an irrational conclusion. Whatever conclusion you might reach, it is important to not stick with something because it is easy. Living an unexamined life is short sighted.

I haven’t consumed any meat for almost 5 years. I don’t really desire to anymore. It is the same reason, I don’t pick up smoking cigarettes. I just don’t see a reason to do so, all things considered. I actually will smoke a cigarette every so often or go to a hookah bar. I do this maybe two times a year, never really a planned thing. Just something to do, it is a fun little treat. I might consume meat in the future, I don’t see any reason to do so.

People will sometimes offer you a cheese burger. I have to decline and often this comes with a pestering encouragement to eat the cheese burger. I then have to inform them that I don’t eat meat. This is often taken as some moral offense. Like how dare you judge me. This is very entertaining and I like to humor this kind of treatment. The other response which is just annoying is to apologize then glorify me as some moral authority. They have a common appeal to me: If only I was morally stronger, I wouldn’t consume animals. Please stop doing this people. 

Let me talk about a friend who I convinced to switch to a plant based diet. You may know him as Finntronaut, that fucking absolute faggot. He was a total fucking meat lover. He was curious about my whole diet, among other things. *COUGH* GAY. Around when we first met, he kind of presented the whole story about how he wants to switch to a plant based diet, but he has moral failings. I pointed out to him that if he just wanted to do it, then you should give it an honest try. He then expressed to me misgivings about how to eat such a diet. 

I enjoy lots of beans and rice; Finntronaut likes tofu and other gross shi. He was asking me a bunch of questions about how to adapt his meat diet to vegan. Look I don’t have the answers to how you can adapt veganism to be magically like your current diet. This is because these demands are impossible. As I suggested earlier, you will have to get honest with yourself about the value that meat provides you. In order to do this, I think it is best to broaden your horizons. This means trying new food and finding what works for you.

Now, I think a lot of people are just gonna say that falafel is all fine and good, but you can’t expect me to give up meat. How about you try no meat monday? Just like to find something new that isn’t meat to try every monday. How about save meat for weekends? If you have misgivings about some level of meat consumption consider just a little bit less. 

I am not a moralist here to make you feel bad for killing animals. That sounds gay as shit. Hey bro, your like a psychopath if you want to murder animals. Hey bro, what if I am a psychopath. Whatcha gonna do nigga? Hey I got my nazi bayonet nigga. I’ll slice your throat nigga and eat your corpse nigga. I give no fucks nigga.

Hey, I am back to reality now. Listen kiddo, I think you can save a lot of money by switching to plants. I made a fantastic curry the other day, you should check it out or something. It tastes fantastic and it is so cheap to make. Let’s be friends? 

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