Erection year, OwO…
I mean election year.
Act 1: Debate
Two old friends, still friends despite strong political disagreement, try to come together on facebook. What crazy times we find ourselves in the current year. A civil war on the horizon? I mean have you seen how people are using such strong words these days? Scandalous, I know.
Now these two friends, we will just call them libtard and contard. They are pretty politically savvy, well read, and generally have an idea about what is going on. This is not going to be your average low iq facebook debate.
Look, your president thinks that pissing on the poor is a solid economic plan. What a sick joke. We all know that bread lines and gulags are the actual best way to run the economy.
Hey, I believe in facts and the facts are that piss is more nutritious than bread. I worked hard and drank piss my entire life. I saw a young man starving on the street, I pulled out my hog and pissed on him. That young man today owns his own bootstraps.
Are you just saying that people can go and just buy bootstraps? What a sick joke sir. So many people in this country can’t afford bootstraps.
I got some on amazon the other day. They are only $30. You people can’t afford to order some bootstraps on amazon for $30?
Yeah, some people can’t even afford that. Poor people are surely not as well off as white people.
Well maybe they shouldn’t smell so fucking bad. I hardly want to have any poor people in my store. The one that I owned and worked my entire life to inherit it from my father. Now you liberals come by and tell me I can’t drink piss anymore. I can’t even piss on poor people and give them a leg up in this world. I have to pay them in dollars or something.
Excuse me, that is the most retarded thing I ever heard. Pissing on people never works. Why do you think they smell so bad? We instead need to chop off your penis and drink your blood for all its nutrients. In addition, everyone should get bread vouchers and a $100 minimum wage.
We interrupt this high brow conversation to bring you excellent investigative journalism.
Act 2: Journalism
Hey Carter nation, it’s ya boi Samuel Carter here. Welcome back to Harder With Carter. FUCK YEAH! Today, we bring you the most excellent investigative journalism. Me and Totally NOT a Faggot Jacuck decided to go undercover as a transgender woman. Since Totally NOT a Faggot Jacuck is a master at… giggle… “heterosexual” dating, I had him help me out. He knows what guys want. *wink*
*Photo montage* (I know what guys wants)
After we did this make over, Totally NOT a Faggot Jacuck made a profile for… Samantha. We ran into a little problem along the way. All of my fans were messaging me wondering if I was gay and would suck their cocks. So we had to change our profile to liberals only. After a few days of messaging back and forth, we found a liberal who wanted us to blow him. Totally NOT a Faggot Jacuck roll the video.
Okay so we can’t show you the video where I suck this libtard’s cock. But you need to see this video, he totally thinks I am a woman. You can if you sign up for glug club. Anyway, he doesn’t even think there is anything gay about this. Little does he know that I identify as a man. Oh damn, I got really good technique here. If you want to go undercover you need to make yourself believable. If you sign up for glug club you judge for yourself. My blowjob skills are really excellent. I am certainly aroused. Okay here is the big reveal.
I’m a man
CARTER! CARTER! CARTER!
Act 3: Justice
When I was a young child, I was gang raped by a group of rich white cis het men. I am coming forth with their names here: Aristotle, Aquinas, Locke, Descartes, and just any philosophy bro that loves reason and evidence. While they were spit roasting me, I cried out how much I hate facts and logic. All of a sudden Ben Shapiro crashed through the window. I thought I was saved, but he then proceeded to debunk me with the help of my rapists. He then high fived them and jumped out the window. This was the last time I saw him.
From that day going forward I decided that I hate the truth. I became an Post-Modernist SJW Feminist who simply wants to kill anyone who disagrees with me. I fucking hate men and in my ideal world we would murder any man who gets in our way. You know why? Because facts and logic got me raped. The only thing that helped me come to peace with my rape was the French homosexual school of philosophy, aka the Post Modern Neo-Marxist SJWs.
Act 4: Democracy
Democracy is the Jeffery Epstein of politics. We all know it is wrong. It is fucking our children. However we turn a blind eye. Why?