First Citizen Lajdek Cakolicuz as you may know started his career in the military. He lived in an era plagued by a conflict: ecological collapse or economic collapse? That was the question. Well the politicians were simply giving America both. This led to the rise of people who at least wanted to prevent ecological collapse, the eco-cucks. But their methods became increasingly destructive and disapproved of by the moderates of America.
At the time a General, Lajdek Cakolicuz utterly destroyed and savagely owned the eco-cuck terrorists with guns and tanks. They tried to take over the government so that we could have climate justice with the rest of the world. Imagine being so cucked that you view third world people as equal. The eco-cuck had one great point behind their movement. We can’t continue on with the sickness that is ecological collapse. Humanity must reduce its size and reduce consumption down to a sustainable level. This was beyond doubt to all but the most fringe and immoral types.
The issue was that the moderate promised we didn’t need to give something up. I know, what a sick joke. This was just producing both economic and ecological collapse. Nothing the moderate could do would save America from the imminent destruction. People were willing and sympathized with the destruction of America. I mean we were a large polluter, definitely part of the problem. The army was dispatched to hold together the nation. You know it worked, they beat every single fucking eco-cuck terrorist into the ground. Honestly, they really went too far, most moderates are not willing to give up their privilege as Americans. We needed real leadership, General Cakolicuz.
The cuck billionaire moderate President Sunday tried to promote a moderate environmentalist and moderate capitalist stance. His compromise just further accelerated the collapse. He promoted what the moderates thought they wanted, globoism, more like homoism. Such globoism was disgraceful and was leading to America embracing the road to environmental impoverishment. Why? For the good of the third world barbarian. President Sunday was clearly the biggest cuck and felt such shame for his failures that he didn’t run again for President.
The American dream no longer was a reality for anyone. The reforms were never enough to be ecologically significant, but enough to utterly cuck the economy.
Women instead of being beautiful and available were confined to the home. They spent hours doing domestic labor. As the pathetic environmentalist policies had taken hold, people had lost access to cleaning chemicals and machines. They scrubbed the shit out of clothes by hand. This could be done better with third world slaves or technology. The American woman is not a washing machine.
Men could only do real faggot tier labor, such as planting trees and cleaning pollution. Very few people were making more trucks, computers, or steak. Just sitting around tossing the salad of nature for the sake of humanity. Eating soy and turning into a mush man again for climate justice.
This is why General Cakolicuz decided to launch his campaign for president: Lajdek Cakolicuz for President. He ran on a platform to end globoism. No longer would the people have to suck off a big oak tree. This embarrassment needed to be ended. It was time for a citizen to rise up as first among all citizens and revive the glory of America.
The Republican Party decided to back Lajdek Cakolicuz for President. He was the only person who would restore prosperity and consumption back to America.
The Democratic Party also supported Lajdek Cakolicuz for President. He had plans to share the spoils with everyone and fix the ecological crises.
He ran essentially unopposed with the exception of some irrelevant losers. Ultimately he carried every state and won a unanimous victory in the electoral college. He showed up with a plan that ended all divides. This might seem strange that the leader could be highly controversial. I mean we are all part of one nation and share a common destiny. Why would you elevate leaders who are unpopular? It makes no sense and could only be fixed once we provided our nation with an example of what a real leader looks like. This was realized in the Presidency of Lajdek Cakolicuz.
On the first day President Cakolicuz took power, he solved climate change. Yes, he did it in only one day. The pathetic politicians spent years bickering and fighting. He simply nuked China and sacrificed its entire people and economy. It was such an obvious solution, but no one had really considered it. Was it because they lacked real power?
President Cakolicuz in a live internet broadcast chanted very loud to the Gods of America, “Enjoy this blood sacrifice of a billion Chinese polluters in your honor.” The God of American Nature could finally rest without all the Chinese polluters dumping fucking toxins into her air. The God of American Industry could pollute more and not worry about all the pathetic Chinese polluters. The God of American Justice could rest knowing that these climate change causing Chinese polluters have finally been apprehended. All Hail!
Back in the gay cucks like President Sunday would suggest that we brainwash our children to be losers. Teachers would set up questions like this, “If we need to feed the family, but some rats are eating the food… “ Now get this sick shit, they would actually say, “we are actually the rat’s rats and eating the food at the exclusion of the rats.” This was actually part of the globoist education propaganda. President Cakolicuz added to the curriculum a snide remark asking about the rat’s rat’s rats. What about the rat’s rat’s rat’s rats? And also the rat’s rat’s rat’s rat’s rats? This is insanity. Just kill the rats before they kill you.
The eco-cuck and the globoist used to promote, in accordance with “justice”, America needs to sacrifice because it is the biggest per capita polluter. Who cares about per capita? No wonder they said this when they learned propaganda about the rat’s rats. Here is an example of an eco-cuck, “Just like how humans eat more per person, but don’t take the whole share. The rats as a whole eat most, but not per rat.” WHAT? Why do I care how much a rat eats? Absolute insanity.
President Cakolicuz loved to stream on the internet. The White House was the largest twitch stream. One day he was live streaming and a commenter informed him that North Korea has many many trillions of dollars in mineral resources. So he did some back of the napkin calculations for invasion and extraction. He figured that we could have a hookers and blow party every year for the next 50 years. This is just the profits, we will have jobs. So within a few weeks he landed in North Korea and began to set up the extraction. He made sure to have the army pacify any of the koreans. I mean he nuked the shit out of china. No one really wanted to fuck with this dude.
President Cakolicuz ran into a serious problem, there was a hooker shortage. You can’t have a hooker and blow party, if you don’t have hookers. So he just decided to find out what countries produced the best hookers and then he invaded. This was most of east Asia and Brazil. Now in order to get them to be hookers, he had to come up with a brilliant scheme. He created a new currency for all the colonies called pretty princess points. Basically the only way you can earn pretty princess points is to be a whore in America. Then you require every adult in the colonies to pay you pretty princess points. Now everyone is in the business of sucking cock. This not only solved the shortage, but there was a whore on every street corner.
You see they could buy pretty princess points from a hooker, but this was a luxury the peasants couldn’t afford. A vast majority of poor families had to send their daughters and occasionally sons to America inorder to pay the pretty princess points. And let me tell you they needed to work for it. You got 1 pretty princess point per blowjob. There was a head tax of 100 pretty princess points per adult colonial subject. This meant that every adult colonial subject provided a total of 100 blowjobs per year. Colonies full of cock suckers!
President Cakolicuz was the greatest president America has ever had. He had the guts to do what no one would ever imagine doing. He killed the polluters, liberated women, reformed education, restored prosperity and flooded the streets with whores. Lajdek Cakolicuz at the end of his first term was declared the First Citizen of America. He decided not to run for the presidency so he can go back to the real work of leading an imperial America.
All Hail Lajdek Cakolicuz, the First Citizen of American.